Tag Archive: loss


I realized I never shared this nonfiction short work on my blogs about the experience of losing my first love my daughter. Please go to this link:ย Always In My Heart. In order to read my story and see how I decided not to let this loss define how I lived my life. ย This may be especially helpful to those dealing with a miscarriage right now in their lives, or for anyone who ever has felt the pain of losing a child. ย I urge you to read this short work to find some semblance of solace. Know that your rainbow exists, it’s just a little further down your life’s path than you expected.

Wishing you happiness!

Rainbows of Happiness LLC

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Legacy of a Lifetime
     My dears, days of sunrises draw to an end,
before breath fails me, there’s a message I must send.
     On these precious pages, exist tales you need to know,
stories recounting accomplishments, highs and lows.
     Lessons learned, mistakes made,
please listen closely, time will too soon fade.
     Read this retelling, take what it says to heart,
grant this final request, before our lives must part.
     Share the words imparted, with both young and old,
they must remember who I was, my story needs to be told!
    Dreams, hopes, wishes, discovered upon these pages,
my greatest writing masterpiece, shared repeatedly throughout the ages!
     When from this Earth I become, a mere memory,
this book will remain behind, as my lifetime legacy!

*The Daily Post prompt was to share what you would leave as your legacy.  I feel the reason I became a writer was so my legacy to future generations would be a lifetime of learning to love literature and to hopefully inspire many others to become writers and find a love for the written word as well.  This prompt really makes one think.  What would your legacy to future generations be?
Daily Post Prompt Legacy

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Meaningless Words

     Useless words, devoid of meanings,
what purpose can they serve?
     In that sense, what is the point of words,
glaring mockingly, from snow white pages?
     Permanently ingrained in the fibers of one’s soul,
thrown out carelessly, their context misused.
     Lost in society’s daily struggle for power,
indelible black impressions, trampled underfoot.
     Forgotten, discarded, lying hopefully in wait,
straining, with every ounce of their being, desperate for notoriety, by a writer.
     Persisting in their quest for acknowledgement they remain,
patiently waiting to be remembered.
     I sense the yearning behind these forgotten words,
bereft of the pages upon which they were intended to be scrawled.
     Unclaimed, ownerless, never failing to believe they will reunite with him,
I sat there and waited, but he never came back.

*This poem was based on the video C is   Sea  and is incorporated in the poem in the line “Useless words” and “What purpose can they serve?” and concludes with the prompt line “I sat there and waited, but he never came back”.

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…..nothing!  No blue line was visible in the tiny result window, waiting triumphantly to make her heart soar, to fill her with euphoric happiness.  With a sinking heart, she laid her head on the cold, cool sink counter.  She had been  sure this time she would see that evasive blue line appear, but again its lack of appearance taunted her! Turning her head forlornly towards the test stick laying still beside her, she angrily picked it up to hurl it into the trashcan.  Eager to be rid of the evidence of yet another failed attempt.  As her hand  reached for the mocking, reminder of her inability to achieve a positive result, she gasped in shock!  There before her strikingly bright, clear as the blue sky itself, shown a bold, discernible, solid, blue line!  It had been only seconds since checking the test, which had caused her such heartache, yet there was the result she had yearned to see for years! An honest to goodness  positive result!
     Tears of joy sprang from her eyes catching her unaware.  Her hands shook, as she cautiously carried her miraculous outcome, gripped gingerly in her hand, to show her husband. Walking slowly, feeling with every step she took, the line might disappear at any moment.  In complete disbelief that  this was really happening.  With sweaty, quivering hands she handed the precious test stick to her husband.  Barely capable of speech, she was only able to utter four words to him;
     “I think I’m pregnant!”
     Spent with emotional exhaustion, she collapsed into his arms, engulfed by his embrace, dissolving into sobs of joy.  Her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, shock over finally registering a positive result, planning how she’d share their news, dreaming of future holidays together, names for their baby, among various other idealistic thoughts experienced by a first-time mother. Her heart was light, she felt as if she was walking on air!
     The next 18 weeks flew by quickly.  She documented each week with photographs, she and her husband took a last vacation, a babymoon, if you will, to enjoy their last summer before the baby arrived.  She went a bit overboard in the baby shopping department, buying anything and everything for their future bundle of joy.  She experienced the joy of seeing her baby wiggling around inside of her on ultrasounds, and heard its heartbeat strong, and true for the first time.  She was in a wonderful bubble of euphoria, eventually sharing at 13 weeks, their happy news with anyone and everyone!
     Then the unthinkable happened at 18 1/2 weeks.  There was blood, and she knew what that meant.  A trip to the hospital confirmed her suspicions, her baby had stopped growing.  Her weeks of happiness, the future she had planned for her child was ended, all in a matter of seconds.  She felt robbed of her child, of her dreams for it.
     Days turned to weeks, a hollow emptiness consumed her, where her baby had once been.  Once happy and complete, she now felt lost, bereft of feeling.  Seeking comfort through her writing, she wrote her thoughts and feelings about her lost child.  This allowed her to find momentary reprieve from the sadness, her thoughts  transferred from her mind to the page.  Using writing as her security blanket to overcome this tragedy, slowly she began to heal.  She emerged a changed, person, but enduring an experience such as this changes anyone.  Through  her creative outlet of writing, she  further explored her other artistic gifts that had laid dormant through the years.  She left the world of professional workers focusing solely on her writing and photography, creating a writing company to commemorate her lost child, who through her death, helped her discover a new life!

*For more about my story visit awritersgallery.wordpress.com to read my raw, emotionally poignant, short story publication Always In My Heart in the featured showcase gallery section of the site.  Please leave a comment so I know you stopped by to read my story!

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/01/11/daily-prompt-challenge-cliffhanger-part-2-continued/

www.facebook.com/thepurplepen.36

https://pensivewriter2013.wordpress.com/2014/01/11/daily-prompt- challenge-cliffhanger-part-2-continued/

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The best idea I ever came up with that gave me an “ah ha!” type of feeling was when I decided to leave the education field and pursue a full-time writing career.  I loved writing stories, poetry, and journaling since I was a child.  I still remember writing stories, drawing the illustrations for my stories, then stapling the pages together to make homemade books as a child.  Writing has always been in my blood, it’s been my safety net during troubled times in life, allowing me to record my true thoughts and feelings about issues that arose.  It has been an outlet to turn to. Helping to release bottled up feelings and providing me with a reprieve from negative thoughts that threatened to poison my mind and block out my positive nature. 
     Once I set my mind to following my dreams of becoming a full-time writer, I created my writing company Rainbows of Happiness LLC dedicated to a special angel who had been taken too soon from my life.  She is the reason I have been motivated to go for my writing dream, helping me to realize that life can be unexpectedly cut short so we must live in the moment.  She is my rainbow of happiness in life, so there was no question about what my company should be named.
     Since the time of my company’s creation this past July, I’ve authored a short story Always In My Heart which was chosen for the featured showcase gallery on awritersgallery.wordpress.com, had two poems published on poetreecreations.org, one to be published in the Spring 2014 edition of The East Coast Literary Review, one poem chosen for the Winter Solstice Initiative, became a regular contributor for Smile magazine creating their cover story and articles, was chosen as featured poet for the featured 4 by MUTT online staff, was interviewed by Idea Creations Press, have an upcoming interview with Book Shelf in Feb 2014, have created my company webpage for Rainbows of Happiness LLC, self-host 4 blogs (3 on writing, poetry, and any writing topics that intrigue me, and 1 photography based blog for sharing tips, advice, and displaying my photography along with photographs sent in by followers), I’ve written articles on various topics including fashion, jewelry, shoes, photography, health, exercise, skin care, and education that have been formatted and used on various websites, blogs, magazines, and ezines,  and most recently I have become owner/moderator of photography community Magnificent Moments Captured Through Film, (I’ve been taking pictures since receiving my first camera at age 8), on Google+ which is expanding in membership faster than I ever imagined! 
     Who do I owe credit to for my success in writing and photography?  Why to my special angel, my real rainbow of happiness!  Had she not shown me the fragility of life, the fleeting sense of our existence, I wouldn’t have been spurred to work to hard to follow my dreams of writing and photography to fruition.  I am thankful every day for the hand life dealt me, for being able to know my special angel, even briefly, because ever triumph I achieve, every obstacle I face, I know she’s watching, helping me stay strong and urging me onward to fulfill my dreams for the both of us!
https://pensivewriter2013.wordpress.com/2013/12/30/daily-prompt-brainwaves/

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Reality harshly dawns, tears flow softly,
attempting in vain to cleanse the body of loss.
Heart aching in pain, steeped in longing,
yearning for a life; a brief glimpse of a face.
Unknown by your eyes,
familiar to your body.
Lost too soon; gone before this world,
Judged her, affected her, stole her innocence,
Forever pure, her soul remains untainted by time’s passage.
Vision of perfection in a mother’s heart,
the legacy of this missing link.
Every hope pinned to this angel’s existence,
washed away when she ceased to appear.
Heavy with grief’s burden,shoulders sag,
under the world’s weight, destined to revolve despite her lost love.
Internally struggling to stay afloat,
through waves of sadness, depression, and anger.
Wishing to exchange her presence, for a momentary glance,
upon the face of her child, anchored permanently to her heartstrings.
Willing to move Heaven and Earth,
to maintain that sacred connection.
The residual bond that eternally holds mother to child, surpassing earthly boundaries.
Felt strongest by the individual missing a piece of themselves,
the day the light of their lives was extinguished permanently.
Time advances, yet this cord of emotion,
remains forever attached.
Winding tightly around the heart,
reminder of what might have been.

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